dead holly! dead holly! we’re all filled with melancholy!

by Dade is Dead

/
1.
The Flower 02:22
I have been having strange dreams dreams of being a bee and pollinating flowers to take nectar back to the hive that sit in a tree with entire other tiny ecosystems going on I am this bee flying around looking for a flower in a world desecrated by the world and I saw the prettiest smelling sweetness she swatted me away I stung her I die she is just fine. I wake up remembering I should never write about dreams but this one is always weird. This one was different. This one was real. I have a more reoccurring dream of us in the 50s at drive-ins and whatever other cliché shit they did back then and I’m driving you and your hair doesn’t have a color not your skin your face doesn’t exist my mind manifested a placeholder before I met you and ever since that day at the park you are the one with me in the car crashing into a canal some rock n roll plays zooms out smoke billowing from under hood close up mangled bodies irony escapes me with my waking life zoom out more and pan out to the credits of sun up or sun down my dreams are movies everything is scary and everyone are monsters dear holly dear holly save me
2.
The Accident 03:11
I cant take hearing his name anymore on Facebook, or at school in the newspaper, on TV every day it’s the same the boy who lost his head and I cant take it anymore I am losing mine as I am losing sleep I feel faults, I feel tripped Jury found me tied up in survivors guilt of a fight I wasn’t in it was just between nature and a dumb ass kid. I wrote on Holly’s arm “forget” but even if she did the media ghost would haunt her just as it does me. I haven’t been sober since that night drinking 5 days straight isn’t productive or conducive to getting good grades but I can’t lay in bed all day trying to sleep I know what awaits me when I close my eyes so I have to black out and lay my head on bottles. I don’t want to dream Derrick is Dead. I just need to sleep
3.
The Cancer 02:36
my writing has transcended romance to cross over into self destruction, tragedy and need to be alone I once wrote of gratefulness and how we should be thankful to breathe but some return gifts without receipts like she did but she was expiring with every strand of hair I stood next to her bed for however long it has been hoping to say some words that would put a new bow on her. Her wrapping was coming undone skin trapping the mutations The sun ripped open your DNA and undone years of evolution that led to your red hair brushing against my face to falling in my lap. what cells inside divided and decided the cancer had won? what is that line that defines being dead or alive? and was a surgical knife the best way to end your life? dead holly! dead holly! the sun took you away from me! I wanted to put my flower in a book.
4.
The Death 02:56
Was not transcribed and original could not be located.

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TFG-003

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released May 31, 2013

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