1. |
The Flower
02:22
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I have been having strange dreams
dreams of being a bee
and pollinating flowers
to take nectar back to the hive
that sit in a tree with entire
other tiny ecosystems going on
I am this bee flying around
looking for a flower
in a world desecrated by the world
and I saw the prettiest smelling
sweetness
she swatted me away
I stung her
I die
she is just fine.
I wake up
remembering I should never write about dreams
but this one is always weird.
This one was different.
This one was real.
I have a more reoccurring dream
of us in the 50s
at drive-ins
and whatever other cliché shit
they did back then
and I’m driving you
and your hair doesn’t have a color
not your skin
your face doesn’t exist
my mind manifested a placeholder
before I met you
and ever since that day at the park
you are the one with me in the
car crashing into a canal
some rock n roll plays
zooms out
smoke billowing from under hood
close up mangled bodies
irony escapes me
with my waking life
zoom out more and pan out
to the credits of sun up
or sun down
my dreams are movies
everything is scary
and everyone are monsters
dear holly dear holly
save me
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2. |
The Accident
03:11
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I cant take hearing his name anymore
on Facebook, or at school
in the newspaper, on TV
every day it’s the same
the boy who lost his head
and I cant take it anymore
I am losing mine as I am losing sleep
I feel faults, I feel tripped
Jury found me tied
up in survivors guilt
of a fight I wasn’t in
it was just between
nature and a dumb ass kid.
I wrote on Holly’s arm
“forget”
but even if she did
the media ghost would haunt her
just as it does me.
I haven’t been sober since that night
drinking 5 days straight
isn’t productive or conducive
to getting good grades
but I can’t lay in bed all day
trying to sleep
I know what awaits me
when I close my eyes
so I have to black out
and lay my head on
bottles.
I don’t want to dream
Derrick is Dead.
I just need to sleep
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3. |
The Cancer
02:36
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my writing has transcended romance
to cross over into
self destruction, tragedy
and need to be alone
I once wrote of gratefulness
and how we should be thankful
to breathe
but some return gifts
without receipts
like she did
but she was expiring
with every strand of hair
I stood next to her bed
for however long it has been
hoping to say some words
that would put a new bow
on her.
Her wrapping was coming undone
skin trapping the mutations
The sun ripped open your DNA
and undone years of evolution
that led to your red hair
brushing against my face
to falling in my lap.
what cells inside
divided and decided
the cancer had won?
what is that line
that defines being
dead or alive?
and was a surgical knife
the best way to end your life?
dead holly!
dead holly!
the sun took you away from me!
I wanted to put my flower in a book.
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4. |
The Death
02:56
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Was not transcribed and original could not be located.
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